**CAUTION!  This post contains adult themes and language!**

I was walking downtown the other day and came upon an adult bookstore.  A man who was clearly dressed in business attire walked out the front door and continued down the sidewalk a few feet ahead of me.  He was carrying a black, plastic grocery bag, and it was clear from the shape of the bag that there were things inside of it–at least a couple of magazines from what I could make out.

So I started thinking–Do people still really buy their porn from brick-and-mortar stores?  If so, why?  With a proliferation of porn on the internet (much of it free), what would drive a man to leave his office for a late “lunch” (it was about 2:00) and go pick up some beat-off material?

I started coming up with scenarios as I walked down the street behind him.  He was wearing a wedding ring.  Ok.  That gave me a place to start. 

Whatever he’s got in that bag is something that he doesn’t want his wife to know that he gets off on–BBW, BDSM, big booties, silicone body parts . . . whatever, take your pick.  He can’t cruise the internet for his viewing pleasure again because of his wife and because he’s got two kids–Alice (11) and Jacob (13)–who are computer whizzes and can crack the internet-lock software that he purchased; oh, and that reminds him that he needs to call the customer service number to complain because it was supposed to be child-proof, but Jacob managed to download the latest track from Mindless Behavior anyway even though–

Oh, sorry, got a little off track there. Anyway, this guy (I’ll call him Larry) is really into furries, and doesn’t want Grace (his wife), Alice, or Jacob to know that he gets off on huge animal costumes, so he had resigned himself to being unable to fulfill that secret part his desire until one day Larry was sitting at his desk at work wondering when Rich was going to get back to him about the proposal he sent, and he suddenly remembered that there was an ADULT BOOKSTORE right around the corner!  Hells yeah!  So he told Amanda to hold all of his calls because he was going to grab a cup of coffee, and instead of heading to the Starbucks, Larry went to the adult bookstore where he not only found an entire magazine devoted to expressing your animal spirit in a mascot costume, but he also found TWO VIDEOS–one called, A Walk on the Wild Side and the other called A Fun, Fuzzy Adventure, which he wasn’t going to buy at first, but the minx on the cover was winking at him provocatively.

 So in about two minutes, which was about how long I walked behind Larry before he turned the corner, I had concocted an entire backstory about Larry, Grace, Alice, and Jacob, and his furry fetish that he was finally able to satisfy thanks to one of the few remaining adult bookstores in downtown Chicago.

Now that’s an entire story that’s just screaming to be written.